Slow Burn

I have a good job. For the most part, I love my company, and the people I work with. We have a great benefits package, more vacation time than I sometimes know what to do with (I’ve used almost all of it this year, but in 2006 I had to take a bunch of time off late in the year because I was in danger of losing carryover days. I know, poor me, right?) I’d like to make more money – who wouldn’t? – but every time I’ve looked, the only things I really qualify for that pay more are high-pressure sales jobs.

Yes, I am a sales rep. But I’m a very laid-back one. I probably could push harder for some things, but booksellers tend to dislike being strong-armed. I tell them what I like, what I think will do well, and they take it into consideration. It’s worked for five years. The idea of going to sell some other product somewhere else and having someone constantly looking at how close I am to hitting my quota makes me shudder.

Plus, I don’t think there’s anything else I could sell convincingly. So, really, if I leave here, my next job won’t be in sales unless I’ve hit the lottery and opened my own store.

I’m having one of my random wish-I-was-somewhere-else weeks. Despite all the pros of this job, I’m dwelling on the long days (11 hours, when you factor in my commute) and wishing I worked closer to home. I keep looking to see what openings are available elsewhere, especially at the college I went to. Six months working there, and I could start taking classes again, which I’d love to do, given the time and (what else?) money.

But the pros here still outweigh the cons. Unless something stellar (and bookseller-y) opens up close to home, I just need to suck it up and buckle down. There are things I could do to feel more productive at work and at home. It’s a matter of getting in the right frame of mind and doing them.

However, until I can kick my own ass into that mindset, I’m going to be at my desk, brooding and bleh.

I don’t know if this is a rant, a whine, or some strange kind of pep-talk, but it feels at least a little better to articulate whatever this feeling is. Best name I can give it is work-related wanderlust.

Wanderlust, by the way, is an awesome word.

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