Uglypants

I am far from what anyone would call a fashionista. Chances are, were I to be featured on the back page of Glamour, it’d be as a Don’t rather than a Do.

One thing I have learned, however, is that boot cut pants look better than most other styles on me. I went looking for a pair of warm dress pants in my closet this morning and, because I was lazy last night and didn’t do laundry, the warmest ones are an old pair of grey ones that I bought a hojillion years ago.

They are not boot cut.

I am at least comforted that they’re straight-legged rather than tapered, but they’re still terribly unflattering. Actually, everything about them from waist to ankle makes me not want to get up from my desk. Sure, they’re better in this 30-degree weather than anything else I had on hand, but now I remember why they were buried at the bottom of a drawer.

It’s days like these that I really, really hope no one ever signs me up for What Not to Wear. Because they’d definitely be secretly filming me in these pants (and never show footage of me in the other ones I have that I bought on their advice to women of similar builds.) Besides, the US hosts would make me cry.

If any of you smartasses ever sign me up, let me move to London first so I can get a makeover from Trinny and Susannah.

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